Facing Saturday

this crazy free falling eating syndrome aka the holiday's combined with an intense amount of unexplained boredom is getting to me once and for all.

i am determined to drink coffee only this morning and not eat until i am absolutely hungry.

next year i am not cooking for the holidays.  i am going out.

how long will it take to lose the 20 lbs. i managed to put on in 1 week.

Post Xmas Blues

Post Christmas Boredom Slowdown:

No New Years plans yet, days of aimlessness, I have been craving the nothingness and find myself here and am at stalemate.  Back in the house after a year, trying to push through to paint the back, on an unplanned hiatus from the show....no news of continued employment...the christmas lights twinkle in the background, the stockings still hang midair, the pile of screeners await, but the Kardashians call.

Big Bunny Bungalow...the push

Its been Big Bunny Bungalow 24/7 for days and weeks now... thinking about logos and branding, and product, and making this a company, and branching out and pimping mid century modern to L.A.


I made the most gorgeous chicken soup/stock which I started yesterday, and kept adding to today.  It is so fresh, and good.


There are a lot of great bunny images I found, will include a few here.  I love Big Bunny Bungalow, and am having a good time blowing CASH like you wouldn't believe, but conservatively at the same time.  Needing to finish the little nagging tasks still pending, like the trim, and touch up paint, and the closets, and the ext, and the fence...and I have to listen to my mother go on and on about ficus and installing a drip system.  No thank you. 

Stumbled on some mid century liquor bottles at Angel View today.  Stuff  I definitely do NOT need.    And finally found my dutch oven I have been looking for since last summer.  this is missing the handle, but brand new, and cast iron. And a decent cast iron frying pan $9.99, and the dutch oven was $12.99 or a little more.  Wendy pushed me to buy this dresser, which turns out to be a very expensive piece of mid century modern furniture, a line, 50's. the designer's name is Paul McCobb, Planner Group, Winchendon.

L.A. Run

did an overnite in L.A. which consists of getting on the road from DHS @ 530A, and taking the 10 fwy as a straight shot into Beverly Hills.  It was a 3 hour journey hitting 3 rush hours.  Never again.  Unless I get on the road at 4A.    Did back to back doctor appt.s in B. H.  Allergy specialist, pap, hearing test, and physical today.    Doctor appt's beget dr. appt's.   Now I need to go back for blood, and allergy scratch tests.  Slept at Julia's last nite, was up at the crack of dawn this morning, went for my walk-run in her neighborhood, coffee, gave Mimi her bath last nite, and dressed her this morning.  She is at such a cute age, and she is so good with me now. 

So much to do, so much going on in my head, so occupied with Big Bunny Bungalow, and starting to think about SD condo.  Worried about the money, but know I need to do it now since I have the time.  Need to be strategic.  Want to spend all my savings on real estate, and run my own business, and create a retro furniture store, and collect local art, and sell, and decorate, and renovate, etc...  its an exciting time, and the prednisone did help kick start me into 2012 - it causes euphoria!!!  And it caused me to go on a frenzy of furniture shopping at the resale stores, I bought an entire garage filled with furniture before I read the side effects of the Prednisone and realized it was causing me to buy in a frenzy [but there was such great stuff at great prices!!].    So absolutely no work.  Although Susie did respond to my email asking her point blank about Wilfred.  She is hiring Bob for the 1st block of 6.  But he can't do all.  So I would get the 2nd block, assuming I am available.    I hope Amy S. gets a movie next month and I get that.  She is trying to get TV stuff, yikes, so who knows.  I just hope something happens in Feb.   Roger comes next week with Skyler, and they are coming here [Sky for 4 - 6 days to help with demo in SD, then he goes back to SLC to start a job].  he was honorably discharged from the military for partying...got named by some guy.  Well, its probably a good thing.  

2012 CHANNEL CHANGED!

This has been the best time in a long time.  2012 has expanded in all its glory, things have never been better, and I can't recall feeling this great.  Now, understood, it could be the prednisone.  It does cause 'euphoria'.  I had to cut the dose back because I have been flying off this stuff [for allergies].  I have been buying out the 2nd hand shops, they have been stuffed to the brim with great things, everyone cleaning out at the end of the year.  The 3 days before the 1st, they had 50% off all dining tables, sofas at one Revivals, and housewares, and art at the other, and for a mere few hundred bucks I cleaned up off the hook.  Got a great chocolate brown velvet sofa for $62.   And a large wood parquet dining table for $50.   Got a handful of art, a tv tray, 2 magazine racks - all vintage and very cool.... 2 sets of cocktail chairs, I'm addicted to them.  One pair white vinyl shell shaped for $50 from the Howard Hughes estate, and another square pair of club chairs for $20!   OMG, I have been freaking out.   Can't stop buying, but have my price point.  So I really haven't spent much, and its been a blast.    I am in love with the desert.  It was lonely here the first few weeks, and then pre-xmas with Ma was tough, and then Portland with Justin and Mia, great, but tough with him.  But everything is all okay now [except with Dad, but whatever].    I moved thru a lot of things, and feel so much better, lighter, happier, healthier - have been running/walking every morning, body feels a lot better...  had a FABULOUS new years eve party this year, calm, mellow, cool, great food, the perfect amount of people:  Karen, Beth, Julia, Mimi, Tracy, Cecilia, her friend, aunt debbie arrived that night, her and nan came over for drinks, we stayed up til 3am, just talking, etc...   it was a great time.  champagne all night, and pink at midnight, and the next morning, more champage, and I made breakfast, and the day evolved, lovely, and we all hung out til about 4p.  then I joined julia et al at the spa for a swim.  Gail arrived new years day and she came by in the morning for coffee, and nan and debbie, and ma, and it was all great.    We've been racing around, so much to do getting together with everyone, and I'm exhausted from it all, but its been great.  Expanding, expanding, expansive, etc..... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE 2012, NEVER LOVED A YEAR AS MUCH AS THIS.  ALSO WENT OFF THE PILL WHICH I THINK WAS DEPRESSING ME IN A MAJOR MAJOR WAY.  YAY!!!!!!!      FREEDOM, HAPPINESS,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ART, BOOKS, LITERATURE, DECORATING, REMODELING, HOME PROJECTS ETC....

12/14 L.A. - Palos Verdes - Santa Monica - Desert Loop

Okay, headed into L.A. Monday morning for the dentist, and left late...at 645AM.  It took 3.5 hours to get to Beverly Hills.  Sunday night was sleepless, hence sleeping late Monday, hence lateness, hence traffic.   A frantic and busy 3 days in L.A. Monday Afternoon finally made it down to see Dunya, Mike & Vuk, who have sinced moved there to place Vuk in a decent school system.  I think its been about 3 years since I've seen Dunja, so it was long overdue catching up with her.  I really miss my old friend.  Tuesday we went down to Terre Nea and walked along the cliff, then went to a meeting, I was expecting the clouds to part and a choral hymn to start, but I think there were signs a bit more subtle than that.  But SIGNS nonetheless.  More on this.   Tuesday stopped by to see Dad, big fight about me going to Portland with Ma.  It will never end.  Now we are not speaking.   And then to Julia's for the evening, dinner, preaching to Tracy, bath time for Mimi, and finally sleep with the fire roaring.  So nice.   This morning, up, dropped Tracy off, and I swung by Tujunga, stopped at Kinko's, had 2 hour drama when I lost my ATM card, then finally on the road to desert.  So exhausting being on the road.  Back in Desert, dinner at Auntie Gail's and Uncle Elijah's. 

Shabbat Dinner 12/9/11

Joined my Dad at Rabbi Newman's house for Shabbat dinner last night.  Of course it was the one night when we were the only one's to come.  Normally I guess the house is full.  It was just Eddie & I and the Rabbi & his wife, and their 5 children.  They had a 10 day old new baby.   It was interesting, and the Rabbi shared some stories and messages, and I glommed onto every word he spoke thinking there was special reasons I was there, and I listened carefully.    He had simple messages, but I really enjoyed it, although it felt awkward that we were the only guests.  However, they had prepared a lot of food [well, the wife's sister had, since she had just had a baby], so in that regard it was fine.    Eddie is better in a group.  Not so good when the spotlight is on him, as it is clear he doesn't listen, and asked the Rabbi several questions more than once.  Ugh, it drives me mad.  I am glad he has found this place to go, and I hope it keeps being okay that he is there.  Suddenly in his old age, he reminisces more nostalgically about his mother's cooking, and the environment of the dinner, and such.  Its a shame he wasn't into it when they were still alive.  I am taking him to Temple. 

Starbucks a.k.a. my mobile office

Without internet or cable TV, home is a place I sleep, read, and eat.    With no friends in my immediate vicinity, There's a lot of nothingness going on.   Every time I need to attend to something, a bill, facebook news feed, life organization, I find myself at Starbucks.    I had a free drink so I ordered a Vente Soy Latte.  I can't possibly drink it all, but why order a free Grande when I can have a free Vente?

Trying to get thru to the EDD is one of the most frustrating things on earth.  In fact, you really CAN'T get thru to them on the phone.  It is an illusion.  My Unemployment is all fucked up again, and it's stressing me out.    I despise filling out the online form, as I never seem to have on hand all the past employment information.  Jesus, I can;t stand this shit.  I just want to jump on a plane and get out of there, but I don't know where to go.   The thought of Portland for Xmas sounds boring.  The desert is boring, but I love it.  All my friends are too busy with their full time jobs, and their kids, and the nutcracker, and the zoo, and Disneyland.   I am not too busy with my houses that are rented, and my cat, and my out of town unemployed boyfriend.    This about sums it all up today.

Living On The Fly

Saturday eve, attended Margot & Tony's party...finally got a chance to officially 'meet' Tony, and he is charming [they are engaged]...  Cecilia met me there, we chatted, caught up, drank wine.  Also there was Jason, the DP from 'Beneath The Dark', and coincidentally, also in attendance were my sublettors Matt & Marianne!  What a small small world.  Matt apparently spent a year working with Tony shooting establishing shots around the world, what a job.   

Mimi is getting soo big...slept at Julia's.  She is trapped in Tracy-drama.  Hard to stop the drama.  We are all victims of this.

Living on the fly, on the circumference of L.A.  sleeping at random places, story of my life...or rather Ma's life...  Dan's empty house in the Palisades last night.  Freezing cold, tried to turn on the heat but it made horrible noises, as if it was going to explode.    One broken bathroom, the working one on the other side of the house.  Kitchen sink leaking... oiy vey...  a property begging for attention in such a rich neighborhood, harboring arbitrary pieces of furniture, Dan's mother's things he won't get rid of, my mother's things for staging jobs.  My mother reminiscing of a time many years ago when we went to Santa Barbara for the summer, and I think we arrived on 4th of July eve or some such holiday, and  we couldn't get a hotel room, so we slept in the car on a neighborhood street.   Then another memory of a freeezing cold apt. she rented in Swampscott one Christmas.  So cold inside, and a roommate she was trying to lock out for not paying rent banging on the front door.  Cops coming...forced to move the bureau from the door, forced to let her in.  Never been so cold.  No heat, no $ for the heat.    Circling the fringe of the L.A. basin with no direction.

Catching Up

Looking back at these great pictures makes me realize how gorgeous this trip was, and how lucky we were to have the time to take the trip.   Live keeps soldiering on, and I am once again free falling thru space.  Rented out Tujunga, out in the desert, totally lost, no cable TV, no internet.  Stacks of books, and magazines, and videos, but all I really want is a little food network, and some Howard Stern, maybe some CNN.  These touchstones make you feel connected to the world somehow.  My frantic state of mind, races about, worrying about all sorts of things.   What to do every hour that passes.  I am in some self imposed isolation, an incubation period, leave her there, see what shakes out.    Yikes!   The solitary-ness of it all.  I don't know what to do with myself.  Mornings are the best,  waking up early.  Nothing to do at night, so I go to bed rather early.   I awake around seven.  I go for a walk.  I make coffee.  I embrace the morning with solid delight.   By 1030am, I feel as if I have been awake for hours.  with NO direction.  Its at this point that my anxiety starts to eat away at me.  What now?  Samara and I did the rounds of all the thrift stores last week before thanksgiving.  I am going to head up to my "go to" day spa.  And see if the mineral water will calm me down. 

Me on top of a mountain in Idaho

Idaho Sunset

Mr. & Mrs. Lyle Dobson [and Samantha Starr], BF from Lincoln Jr. High days

Roger & Heather's very special  place.  Jackson Lake @ Signal Hill, Grand Tetons, Wy.

H

Yellowstone Park, October 2011