Saturday Mornings... this one is 10/22/11

Hiccups convulse me this morning.  Its either the green peas, the Cream Shallot & Thyme sauce from last night's chicken dish, or the red wine causing the morning distress.   It is gorgeous out this morning, sunny, the yard looks fantastic, although the 6 large trash bags of garden trash beckon me to dispose of them.  Impending travel looms ahead - SLC Monday morning bright eyed, bushy tailed...an October romp up thru Idaho our itinerary.  Wish we had a motorhome.  That would be sweet.    A little trepidation afloat, partly due to the unknown, and the state of our relationship, amongst other things.  Its all rosy when apart, although NOT rosy....but he is my companion.  There is no other.  I could choose to be alone but for why?  For what?  All my friends with kids exclude me from their parties and gatherings.  I go out of my way for Wendy, to include her, yet I am not invited to her son's birthday.  Not that I really want to be a part of it, but the isolating aloneness of knowing I am not a part of these groups and parties makes me sad.  Called Julia today, the same story, her in a hurry, rushing off to a halloween bouncy house party in Claremont with Cathy, Cari, Kevin, Luke - only invited at the last minute due to having called her.  Never invited in advance.  Not sure I care, but I do care cause I have nothing in my life but an endless stream of days of unemployment sandwiched in between frantic jobs I hate.   Had dinner at the house last nite with Dad, who came out. It was pleasant.  Much nicer than the forced lunches we grab when together if I happen to be on the west side.   He enjoyed my cooking.  Chicken in cream sauce with green peas & Quinoa, red wine. It probably should have been white wine, but oh well.  Then we went out for ice cream down to Baskin & Robbins.  Something I ate last night has def. made me off today.  Feel crappy, but alive.  My big itinerary for the afternoon consists of the chiropractor, and meeting Ma in Pasadena.